Rosalind Lutece (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
originallutece) wrote2017-04-24 02:04 am
originallutece) wrote2017-04-24 02:04 am
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Rosalind Lutece
Doctor of physics, professor at Recollé University. VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION
I would.
[Not just out of curiosity, either. She regards him for a few seconds, her expression stilling.]
Three.
[Not just out of curiosity, either. She regards him for a few seconds, her expression stilling.]
Three.
[Ardyn has these sorted in his head via oldest memory to newest, and number three... well, number three is definitely one of the more interesting ones. He leans back in his chair, brow knitting slightly. Otherwise, his own expression remains rather difficult to read.]
Three has to do with magic. [Said with the intonation of a joke, but he isn't lying.] I remembered being a man who travelled around a world I do not recognize. I healed the sick -- suffering from some awful pandemic -- with touch alone. Magic, if you will. But it was a... what's the term? An empathic sort of healing. I took their sickness into my own body.
[And now he'll pause, waiting for the questions to come.]
Three has to do with magic. [Said with the intonation of a joke, but he isn't lying.] I remembered being a man who travelled around a world I do not recognize. I healed the sick -- suffering from some awful pandemic -- with touch alone. Magic, if you will. But it was a... what's the term? An empathic sort of healing. I took their sickness into my own body.
[And now he'll pause, waiting for the questions to come.]
[She watches his expression carefully, trying to see if he's teasing her. She certainly wouldn't have believed him a few days ago, but between this app and all the strange things she's heard while on it . . . no, he's not joking. He can be flippant, but not cruel. He wouldn't be winding her up right now.
So. So assume he's being entirely honest.]
But there's no markings on your body now. You don't have any scars or wounds.
[Her hand lifts in an aborted gesture, as if she wants to see for herself, but no, no, that's not appropriate.]
. . . you're certain it was a memory. Not a hallucination?
So. So assume he's being entirely honest.]
But there's no markings on your body now. You don't have any scars or wounds.
[Her hand lifts in an aborted gesture, as if she wants to see for herself, but no, no, that's not appropriate.]
. . . you're certain it was a memory. Not a hallucination?
No, I don't. Not yet, anyway. [He supposes it's as good of a segue as any...] Some users have woken up with old scarring and other healed injures out of the blue. There's heavy speculation that these match up with the memories we've all been experiencing.
[But back to her original question.] I'm as certain as anyone can be where the mind is concerned. I know that it's unreliable at best, but there's a lingering sense of... certainty. I know it happened, Rosalind. Even though, logically speaking, I also know it's impossible.
[But back to her original question.] I'm as certain as anyone can be where the mind is concerned. I know that it's unreliable at best, but there's a lingering sense of... certainty. I know it happened, Rosalind. Even though, logically speaking, I also know it's impossible.
. . . all right.
[She believes him: not just because she trusts him, but because he acknowledges the impossibility of it. This isn't a man deluded into believing he can heal like that here and now, but rather simply that he can remember once doing it. And given what he says about what other users have experienced . . .
Maybe it is a hallucination. But she's not going to argue it, not yet.]
Then . . . you're certain it was as simple as you say it is? Simply touching and drawing the illness out?
[She believes him: not just because she trusts him, but because he acknowledges the impossibility of it. This isn't a man deluded into believing he can heal like that here and now, but rather simply that he can remember once doing it. And given what he says about what other users have experienced . . .
Maybe it is a hallucination. But she's not going to argue it, not yet.]
Then . . . you're certain it was as simple as you say it is? Simply touching and drawing the illness out?
[He cants his gaze at her, quietly wondering just how much stock she's putting into his words. He's not lying about any of it, of course, but if he were in her shoes, he'd be skeptical as well.
Especially about something as fantastic as magic.]
Yes. A talent that came naturally, without much effort. I don't know if it was inherited or taught, but--
[He cuts himself off.] It's all speculation at this point. I only know that I felt heavy with the sickness I kept within me, but wanted to help those in pain no matter what.
Especially about something as fantastic as magic.]
Yes. A talent that came naturally, without much effort. I don't know if it was inherited or taught, but--
[He cuts himself off.] It's all speculation at this point. I only know that I felt heavy with the sickness I kept within me, but wanted to help those in pain no matter what.
[Her eyebrows tick up at that, but whatever skepticism she feels at that, she keeps to herself.]
If you remember more, I want to hear about it. I'd be . . . I don't know that I believe it was magic--
[Because magic doesn't exist.]
--but I believe it was an ability.
[She pauses for a few seconds, then adds:]
Sick with what?
If you remember more, I want to hear about it. I'd be . . . I don't know that I believe it was magic--
[Because magic doesn't exist.]
--but I believe it was an ability.
[She pauses for a few seconds, then adds:]
Sick with what?
[He shrugs, unable to argue with her. Unwilling to, really, because it sounds impossible.]
I don't know. [He wishes he could remember that much, but while some details were crystal clear, others were shrouded in a fog.] Whatever it was, it caused a terrible pain, a loss of self, and would eventually prove fatal. [A faint, apologetic sort of grin.] Not the specifics you wanted to hear, I'm sure.
I don't know. [He wishes he could remember that much, but while some details were crystal clear, others were shrouded in a fog.] Whatever it was, it caused a terrible pain, a loss of self, and would eventually prove fatal. [A faint, apologetic sort of grin.] Not the specifics you wanted to hear, I'm sure.
I-- sorry, you took on an illness that would kill you?
Yes. [A rather dismissive wave of his hand!] But it didn't. ...Or at least, I was very much alive and functional in my memories.
Oh, well, that's perfectly all right, then, do let's all toy around with deadly illnesses.
[It's silly to get worked up over a memory that might or might not even exist. It's not as if Ardyn has such a disease now-- god, look at him, he's healthy as can be. But still Rosalind's cheeks have paled, her mouth pursed into a thin line as she snaps that.
She likes him. Rosalind doesn't like many people, but Arydn is one of them, and the thought of him worn down and sick for the sake of other people . . . it sits uneasily in her mind.]
[It's silly to get worked up over a memory that might or might not even exist. It's not as if Ardyn has such a disease now-- god, look at him, he's healthy as can be. But still Rosalind's cheeks have paled, her mouth pursed into a thin line as she snaps that.
She likes him. Rosalind doesn't like many people, but Arydn is one of them, and the thought of him worn down and sick for the sake of other people . . . it sits uneasily in her mind.]
[He can't help but huff out a laugh at that reaction. Sorry, Ros.]
Come now, listen to you, getting all defensive. Or is worried, for my sake?
[There's that usual frustrating grin of his, teasing as it is.]
Let's remember that I'm certainly not inclined to do such a thing now. It's not as if I've perfected the art of magic during my time at law school.
Come now, listen to you, getting all defensive. Or is worried, for my sake?
[There's that usual frustrating grin of his, teasing as it is.]
Let's remember that I'm certainly not inclined to do such a thing now. It's not as if I've perfected the art of magic during my time at law school.
I'm not worried.
[Oh yes she is, and he knows it. But that grin puts her on the defensive, and just because she knows what he's doing doesn't mean she can help her reactions. Rosalind scowls, her cheeks just a touch heated.]
I simply think there are, are more efficient ways of doing things.
[Wow, that's one hell of a flimsy excuse. MOVING ON:]
You keep calling it magic. But surely it can't be that.
[Oh yes she is, and he knows it. But that grin puts her on the defensive, and just because she knows what he's doing doesn't mean she can help her reactions. Rosalind scowls, her cheeks just a touch heated.]
I simply think there are, are more efficient ways of doing things.
[Wow, that's one hell of a flimsy excuse. MOVING ON:]
You keep calling it magic. But surely it can't be that.
No, [he starts, leaning on his desk with his elbows. If one allows a chance for Ardyn to tease, he will take the proverbial ball and run with it] I think you are worried. You really do care, I'm so flattered!
[But okay, NOW he'll let them move on.]
What do you think it was, then? A healing touch, coupled with a warm glow when utilized?
[But okay, NOW he'll let them move on.]
What do you think it was, then? A healing touch, coupled with a warm glow when utilized?
An unspecific question, but given what's been happening to us recently, I'm going to guess you mean more along the lines of "moon mercenaries on my space station" or "magic healing touches".
In which case: no. Not yet. Although I have to admit I keep bracing myself for the worst.
In which case: no. Not yet. Although I have to admit I keep bracing myself for the worst.
[Well, now she's going to be scowling for at least five more minutes. She wants very much to protest, but they're moving on, so best just to sulk where he can see it.]
I don't know. I know you're being factious, but there's got to be some kind of scientific explanation.
I don't know. I know you're being factious, but there's got to be some kind of scientific explanation.
oh you talked to ardyn then
yeah he figured that one out when he was bandaging up my head after somebody busted a glass over it
long story
[ aka fak u Bigby ANYWAY: ]
anyway seriously?
crazy space memories ran a friggin train on me last month
i dunno i got a new one today and its kinda making me question some stuff
you mind if i rocktalk it w/you?
saying yes means you promise youre not gonna flip or anything if its
bad
yeah he figured that one out when he was bandaging up my head after somebody busted a glass over it
long story
[ aka fak u Bigby ANYWAY: ]
anyway seriously?
crazy space memories ran a friggin train on me last month
i dunno i got a new one today and its kinda making me question some stuff
you mind if i rocktalk it w/you?
saying yes means you promise youre not gonna flip or anything if its
bad
[There's a pause, just long enough to indicate that she's actually thinking about the answer rather than just blandly agreeing.]
I promise.
What did you remember?
I promise.
What did you remember?
preface: i remember a LOT about this guy
like i remember he fought moon mercs and had a mansion and threw gigantic orgies and crap?
i mean he blew up a train but it was HIS train and the people on it were murderers or smth ( i remember hating them a lot )
yyyyeah its all been kinda fun and awesome
see today i remembered being in this
like
you know those really crappy fake western town things?
it was like that except people actually lived there
hot as BALLS
it was me and some chick back to back while these
idk GUYS rushed us?
i mean they all wore creepy masks and hated shirts and screamed about nipple salads so i kinda use the word " guys " lightly but there were a ton of em shooting at us or coming at us with these axe things
anyway me and this woman were killing like
a LOT
of people
and we were having a really good time doing it
like i remember he fought moon mercs and had a mansion and threw gigantic orgies and crap?
i mean he blew up a train but it was HIS train and the people on it were murderers or smth ( i remember hating them a lot )
yyyyeah its all been kinda fun and awesome
see today i remembered being in this
like
you know those really crappy fake western town things?
it was like that except people actually lived there
hot as BALLS
it was me and some chick back to back while these
idk GUYS rushed us?
i mean they all wore creepy masks and hated shirts and screamed about nipple salads so i kinda use the word " guys " lightly but there were a ton of em shooting at us or coming at us with these axe things
anyway me and this woman were killing like
a LOT
of people
and we were having a really good time doing it
[Well. She can say a lot about her friend, and certainly not all of it is pleasant, but murderer had never once made the list.
And yet there's something a little unreal about this confession. Certainly she doesn't think he's lying, and after her conversation with Ardyn, Rosalind is a bit more reluctant to dismiss such a thing as a hallucination. But still, there's an element of distance here. It's as if they're speaking of a dream, or a character in a movie; some other Jack Dawes, someone who isn't here and now, and so whose actions don't directly affect her. ]
Before I start asking questions and offering opinions . . . what is it specifically that it's making you question about yourself?
And yet there's something a little unreal about this confession. Certainly she doesn't think he's lying, and after her conversation with Ardyn, Rosalind is a bit more reluctant to dismiss such a thing as a hallucination. But still, there's an element of distance here. It's as if they're speaking of a dream, or a character in a movie; some other Jack Dawes, someone who isn't here and now, and so whose actions don't directly affect her. ]
Before I start asking questions and offering opinions . . . what is it specifically that it's making you question about yourself?
well
when i think back to the actual people i killed and how i felt about them all i get back is this
i dont know how to say it
disgust? hate?
i felt like i was doing something really good by killing them
but that doesnt explain why i enjoyed the actual killing part
i mean i REALLY enjoyed it
like tmi but im pretty sure i had a raging hard-on for like the second half of the fight
anyway the point is im trying to be sad for all the people that died
you know feel bad on SOME kind of level
but im kinda concerned because all im getting back is satisfaction
when i think back to the actual people i killed and how i felt about them all i get back is this
i dont know how to say it
disgust? hate?
i felt like i was doing something really good by killing them
but that doesnt explain why i enjoyed the actual killing part
i mean i REALLY enjoyed it
like tmi but im pretty sure i had a raging hard-on for like the second half of the fight
anyway the point is im trying to be sad for all the people that died
you know feel bad on SOME kind of level
but im kinda concerned because all im getting back is satisfaction
The fact you feel concern at all is a good sign, I would say.
All right. There are a few possibilities here.
1) The first that comes to mind is that you were some kind of solider. Certainly a lack of remorse and an immense satisfaction (gratuitous though it was) from killing would fit within that role. You had an enemy and you completed your mission; from what I've read, that wouldn't be entirely out of the question.
1a) (And intense primal emotions, by the way, usually go hand in hand. There's a reason horror movies are typically full of sex; fear, arousal and violence are all part of the same part of our brains. One triggers the other, and often one fuels it. Hence your, ah, physical state of being).
2) Perhaps they deserved it. It hardly sounded as if you were mutilating helpless children, and if they were armed and mad, certainly one would hardly expect to feel remorse for an action taken in self-defense.
3) Or perhaps you did have remorse and intense guilt, but that memory hasn't yet been unlocked. As it stands, you have little context or connection with this incident. Just as we don't feel guilt or remorse for the deaths of those in fiction (or indeed, even the deaths of real people that we don't know and can't relate to), so too it follows that a lack of context would ensure a lack of emotional result.
4) Alternatively: perhaps in another life, that other life, you were sociopathic, and enjoyed killing for the sake of killing.
Now. Keep in mind these are all options, and I don't hold that all of them have the same chances of being true. But they're the first explanations that come to mind.
All right. There are a few possibilities here.
1) The first that comes to mind is that you were some kind of solider. Certainly a lack of remorse and an immense satisfaction (gratuitous though it was) from killing would fit within that role. You had an enemy and you completed your mission; from what I've read, that wouldn't be entirely out of the question.
1a) (And intense primal emotions, by the way, usually go hand in hand. There's a reason horror movies are typically full of sex; fear, arousal and violence are all part of the same part of our brains. One triggers the other, and often one fuels it. Hence your, ah, physical state of being).
2) Perhaps they deserved it. It hardly sounded as if you were mutilating helpless children, and if they were armed and mad, certainly one would hardly expect to feel remorse for an action taken in self-defense.
3) Or perhaps you did have remorse and intense guilt, but that memory hasn't yet been unlocked. As it stands, you have little context or connection with this incident. Just as we don't feel guilt or remorse for the deaths of those in fiction (or indeed, even the deaths of real people that we don't know and can't relate to), so too it follows that a lack of context would ensure a lack of emotional result.
4) Alternatively: perhaps in another life, that other life, you were sociopathic, and enjoyed killing for the sake of killing.
Now. Keep in mind these are all options, and I don't hold that all of them have the same chances of being true. But they're the first explanations that come to mind.
Edited 2017-05-09 05:19 (UTC)
i dunno about the soldier thing i remember being filthy fuckin rich and sending robots after people
any of those others sound pretty solid though
i mean i didnt want to say this earlier and sound nuts but i KNOW they deserved it so its not the killing part that freaks me out
killing people is actually pretty easy?
pretty sure i was yelling " boom headshot " bc let me tell you i was getting an ASSLOAD of headshots
its just the details mostly
this town was total crap right
hot as hell dusty as hell ugly as hell
so yknow you cant hardly even breathe in all that and pretty soon youve got the taste of dirt in your mouth
suns blistering
i was wearing like three layers for some reason
god ros the place STUNK
bodies were everywhere and not all of em were our kills so they were uh
ripe
people hanging from nooses up on buildings and crap
couldnt smell jack shit except for dirt and gunpowder
and i remember the woman and i were just laughing and laughing and laughing
and she had a really nice laugh
[ Murderous cackling. The most beautiful thing ever. ]
i dunno im trying not to think on it too much
yknow this isnt much of a rocktalk if you dont have weird crap to talk about so consider me very very disappointed in you ros
any of those others sound pretty solid though
i mean i didnt want to say this earlier and sound nuts but i KNOW they deserved it so its not the killing part that freaks me out
killing people is actually pretty easy?
pretty sure i was yelling " boom headshot " bc let me tell you i was getting an ASSLOAD of headshots
its just the details mostly
this town was total crap right
hot as hell dusty as hell ugly as hell
so yknow you cant hardly even breathe in all that and pretty soon youve got the taste of dirt in your mouth
suns blistering
i was wearing like three layers for some reason
god ros the place STUNK
bodies were everywhere and not all of em were our kills so they were uh
ripe
people hanging from nooses up on buildings and crap
couldnt smell jack shit except for dirt and gunpowder
and i remember the woman and i were just laughing and laughing and laughing
and she had a really nice laugh
[ Murderous cackling. The most beautiful thing ever. ]
i dunno im trying not to think on it too much
yknow this isnt much of a rocktalk if you dont have weird crap to talk about so consider me very very disappointed in you ros
I have literally no idea what the term "rocktalk" is supposed to entail, Jack, so if I'm disappointing you, it's your own fault. I'll endeavor to make something up once we finish on your end, though, how about that?
[Which she sends mostly to occupy him as she tries to think. It's the distance from the event, obviously, that makes her so indifferent to the fact that Jack is describing laughing while he murders people. Surely it is. She's certainly not lacking in empathy, so the obvious conclusion is simply that it's all too distant to be really real.]
It sounds horrifying. The location, I mean. It sounds like the sort of place one might get condemned to (which certainly would lend credence to your knowing that they deserved their fate).
Do you remember why you were so wealthy?
[Which she sends mostly to occupy him as she tries to think. It's the distance from the event, obviously, that makes her so indifferent to the fact that Jack is describing laughing while he murders people. Surely it is. She's certainly not lacking in empathy, so the obvious conclusion is simply that it's all too distant to be really real.]
It sounds horrifying. The location, I mean. It sounds like the sort of place one might get condemned to (which certainly would lend credence to your knowing that they deserved their fate).
Do you remember why you were so wealthy?
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