originallutece | (no subject)

things are okay with robert i mean i don't think he even knows this is that it's a thing but now that stephen's mad i feel like i made some kind of mistake i guess like i thought i was being honest with both of them, it's not like i'm hiding anything from either of them besides the shit going on in my head i guess but that didn't seem to matter and it can't fall apart because i don't think i could that can't happen but i want to do right by the both of them i just don't know what that means in this situation

Unfortunately, there's no real logical right or wrong. Being with one over the other isn't right, just as being with both or none of them aren't particularly right or wrong either. It sounds as though Stephen has some issues, and that's his business. You never made him any promises, and frankly, he needs to get a grip on his emotions.

i guess i just assumed he was "hanging out" and getting close to other people too like i did when i first got here you gotta find your quota buddies, right? otherwise you can't survive this place and things are still pretty new with him he got here when we were all dragged to fort harmony so with robert i know even though he's got other people, that doesn't take away from what we've got going i don't know that for sure with stephen yet, but i wouldn't assume that just because i'm sure he's getting close with other people it's just i was here for months before i met him? and i got close to robert in that time and if anything robert's the one i feel like i've been keeping something from in a way because if stephen's hurt by whatever it is tris getting me a kitten? i mean robert it's i think stephen thinks i've been leading him on somehow which is insane because i really do like him, so so much it's actually kind of overwhelming how much i care about both of them and!!! he's kind of the one that threw a wrench in things a fun, best friend with benefits wrench, but still i have a really good thing with robert and i have a really good thing with him i don't know why or how one would take away from the other

Men are a bit stupid sometimes.

Truly they are. He may just think that. Things get muddled when it comes to this city, but most people are intent on keeping romance out of it.

That being said: do you imagine you've led him on?

i actually really don't? if i thought my relationship with robert was going to effect my relationship with stephen in literally any way, i would have told him i actually did tell him i don't hide the fact that i spend a lot of time with either of them best friend title comes first in all of this, for both of them i'm just guarded with the fact that sometimes i want it to be more than that, with both of them, sometimes only sometimes though and not TOGETHER but like you know?

I do know, miraculously enough.

It sounds as though Stephen has a problem with perception. He's reading too much into your actions, or at least he wishes there was more than there was. But he oughtn't be taking it out on you, because you haven't done anything wrong.

That would be something good to tell him. It sounds as though Robert doesn't need to be involved in that regard.

What would be your ideal scenario with the three of them?

ideally?

[ gwen never lets herself think in ideals. #superhero struggles ]

i just don't want anything to change because of stuff being unsaid that i guess should have been said but ugh saying things makes them a THING and then if that happens to be a GOOD thing those generally get ruined that's usually how that goes so when something is great, i don't want to talk about it. i don't want to put a name on it or acknowledge it. i'm a big fan of just existing in the same world as this good thing that doesn't have to be talked about or put into words. i think robert's the same way stephen's... not? which isn't a bad thing it's just i don't know how to explain something as unexplainable as how much he means to me

Edited 2019-04-02 03:05 (UTC)

Tell me this: what kind of person is he? How does he display his affection towards you? Verbally? Physically? With gifts?

he's okay what's actually insane about all of this is that i've met actual dozens of "versions" of this guy ( the multiverse is really wild, btw ) anyway i've met so many and they all have stuff in common but the one i met here is just different and so that was the first thing and man i don't know he's so fucking smart and he makes it really easy to give a shit about whatever he's talking about even when i have no actual idea of what he's talking about and he knows how i like my coffee and sometimes he steals my waffles in the morning but usually we just share and his sense of humor is dumb and quippy like mine so we just sit around laughing a lot of the time which in a place like this? is pretty yeah and he cares so much about people he just wants to do right by everyone all the time and it's going to get his heart crushed one day but that's part of the job i guess

[ yikes easy gwen we're trying to hide the stephen-is-a-superhero-thing here!!! ]

and he's kind of gorgeous like he's such a doofus and he makes the dumbest expressions, but his whole.. face is great and his hair is so curly when he gets out of the shower and apparently that's a thing i'm into!!! like, he has these moments where i like actually break stuff in my hands because he's so attractive and he has no idea and that's NOT what makes him beautiful ( hah, that's a one direction reference sorry i'm actually really sorry about that one ) but it's really stupid and funny trying to explain that to him he's ridiculously sweet and he says shit that i don't think he even realizes is sweet? or meaningful? but it is like he just remembers those weird things that people generally don't remember so it's really fucking awesome when someone does and he lets me snuggle up with him even when he's trying to work on something and god he's a great kisser so, physically? yeah that's all really fucking awesome and i trust him more than anybody else possibly more than robert now that i think about it but that's not really fair i guess maybe it's just that i trust them in different ways with different things eh i'll unpack that later affection is a weird thing for me i usually can't tell when it's real or when i'm reading into things but with peter i don't care? i don't feel like i have to translate anything at least i didn't until this whole kitten thing happened now i don't know if i misread the whole thing or what

Believe me when I tell you I'm very intimate with the oddness of the multiverse.

In any case. The novel you sent me certainly is indicative your feelings are intense. And no, I would say you haven't misread things. I imagine he doesn't have much experience separating sex and feelings; it's easy to get them muddled at all, never mind in a place like this.

we should definitely talk shop about that sometime because not a lot of people do outside of this place, as far as i know intense is a strong word okay fine they're intense but i like to think i've been pretty cool about it up until recently honestly i don't usually have an easy time separating the two either i mean there's definitely people here that i hooked up with and haven't had feelings for but but i might've stood a chance at not getting all crushycrushgagaloopy if i hadn't kissed him maybe okay that's probably not true but i can pretend it's true

I wouldn't pretend. Self-honesty is important. It's easier to get things done when you aren't suffering under delusions of what you are or what you feel.

In any case: who is it I'm speaking to, precisely? If we're to discuss familiarity with the multiverse, it seems vital to know one another's names.

Edited 2019-04-17 02:37 (UTC)