originallutece | (no subject)

[How neat that makes it sound. He handed me a gun, he told me to shoot him, and I guess I must have. How utterly fine, when the fact of the matter is that this must be rattling him to his core.]

Not necessarily. The things it sends us . . . you can't make an assumption based off of that, Majima.

It's not that simple.

[ he has to make it sound simple, though, because otherwise it's a lot to handle. he wants to be as badass as the guy he is in his memories, not scared of the crimes he may or may not have done. ]

D'ya know what the yakuza is?

The Japanese organized crime syndicate, I believe.

[Ah . . . her voice goes just a little tighter, but it isn't in judgment. She can see where this might lead, that's all.]

Yeah. So maybe it's less an assumption and more an educated guess.

You're certain you were a part of it?

Professor-san, I'm missing an eye. I'm pretty sure I didn't fuckin' trip and lose it.

All right.

[And strangely enough, that's an all right that he's heard before. It's a slightly brisk dismissal, waiving his sarcasm and agreeing to his point. Yes, all right, so he was indeed in the yakuza, so he had killed a person. That's . . .

It's hard to believe, frankly, but only two days ago she and Fawkes had spoken candidly about his being some kind of spirit fox. Four days ago, she'd been bewitched by a drug she hadn't even consumed. One of her best friends can heal with a touch, and lately more and more the extraordinary has come mundane.

So why shouldn't Majima have been part of the yakuza? She can't imagine him there, but she also can't imagine Fawkes as Youko, and yet he was, once.]

When did you remember this?

Been remembering stuff for awhile, I guess. Remembered I got arrested. Fought different dudes. All kinds of stuff.

[ most of it points to him having been Not A Great Person, before. and he hates it. it's nice that ros is so calm in the face of it, but maybe part of him wants people to get angry with him. wants some kind of punishment for the life he'd lead. ]

[There's a pause, and then, carefully:]

You realize that his choices don't reflect on you, yes?

I don't think it's that simple.

[ he doesn't really want to fight her on her parallel universe thing. if she wants to have that for herself, she should. but it's not what he believes, personally. ]

What do you mean?

These memories... they don't feel like someone else did them. I don't get that degree of separation other people feel. With me and Kazzy, it just feels like ... I don't know, everything we learn takes us one step closer ta who we're meant to be.

What do you think--

[She pauses, trying to word this right.]

Do you think it was . . . some kind of past life, then? Or--?

I know it sounds fuckin' weird, but I think it's more than that. Past life, that's like a step away right? Like bein' reincarnated? But this shit just feels so real. Add on top of that the physical changes an' it's hard ta say it was someone else who experienced these things.

[Not to her, it's not, but she's trying not to simply argue and override him. It's always worth hearing other theories.]

So . . . do you think we're turning into them, then? Slowly but surely? Or that we were them, and now we're somehow returning to that state?

[ he's quiet for a moment. ]

I think we were them.

[That's certainly a theory. Rather a terrifying one, too, if she's being honest, because what does that make them? Rosalind Lutece, who moved from England two years ago, who graduated with top honors from Cambridge University when she was eighteen, who is so brilliant and has made so many connections . . . does that not matter? Is that not her? Is she simply delusional, her mind wildly adapting to some story to cover for the truth?]

. . . I see.

[Her voice is quiet.]

Then you think who we are is irrelevant?

[ that's hard for him to say. it's easy to say he thinks that's who they were and that those memories are important. it's hard to know what that means for who they are, now. all of the things that have happened in recollé ]

Irrelevant's a strong fuckin' word.

Which would you use, then?

I think it matters - the people around us, the shit we've gone through. Whoever we were then, we've changed, now. Even if we got every single memory back we'd still think about what we've done.

And so we'd become . . . amalgams, I suppose. Of what we were and are.

I hope you'll take no offense, Majima, when I say I prefer my theory to yours. There's something a touch unsettling about that.

I told ya I don't care what people wanna think. It ain't up to me to make those decisions for them.